Sunday, May 2, 2010

MMM: Mother

"I am what I am"
6 x 8 Canvas Panel

I had a good friend at the house the other day and we got to talking about art. I laid out some of the pieces I've made over the last year and, while carefully looking at what she saw before her, she asked me a bold question: "Do you feel guilty about not being able to become pregnant?" Wow. And, yes. I wouldn't have thought so, but my answer came quickly.

I am acutely aware of how lucky we are to have our beautiful baby, and I am forever grateful that Kendra's birthmother trusted us to parent her, but now that we are hoping to adopt again, all of the "old" feelings of not being able to do this, or relying on someone else to do that, must bring it all up again. What I realized in that moment is that I am still holding on to a lot of guilt and fear. And I am sharing it with you because with this piece for Mixed Media Monday, I have decided to let that go. I know that we will have another child, even if I don't know how or when. And I have resolved to live more in the moment and celebrate the family I do have. I am the one who can not give birth. But I am also the one who was lucky enough to carry Kendra in my heart. We are all so lucky. I have finally given myself permission to just be. After all, "I am what I am."

This piece was created on a 6 x 8 canvas panel that was collaged with personal mementos of our adoption including a letter from my Mother-in-Law, a piece of my baby shower invitation and the stamp we created for her birth announcements. To this, I added a wash of acrylic, a charcoal outline representing myself and a heart (made from handmade papers) representing the part of me she came from.

Thank you for looking. And a big thank you to my friend for showing me the light . . .

Kristin xo

29 comments:

Lisa said...

Wow...just wow. This is absolutely beautiful. Thank you for sharing such an honest piece of yourself.

Lori Saul said...

What a beautiful art piece and moving post. Thank you for sharing your wonderful story and feelings about being a mother!

Rayanne said...

What a beautiful post! You are such a good Mommy...may your cup run over with little ones!

Cindy said...

Oh you are amazing! And this piece is phenomenal...You are an amazing mom--I can feel it through your words, enthusiasm,
and pure heart...Beautiful piece from a beautiful mom!
Hugs,
Cindy

haendi said...

I have to agree with everyone else. You are a wonderful mother. Everything you say and describe on your blog shows your love of your child and of children. Motherhood has nothing to do with pregnancy. It has everything to do what is in your heart and your desire to care for a little one in need of your guidance. I think your art reflects this, and I hope you will always know in your heart what a good mom you are.

Gayle Page-Robak said...

Gorgeous card...beautiful!!

Shawn Caro said...

I'm lovin this!! You have a great sense of expression.

Beverley Baird said...

That is such a beautiful collage. What a tribute to your daughter, and your love for her!

Diana Evans said...

Oh Kristin!!! this is so beautiful and you know you should never ever feel any guilt over anything....it is not how we become parents that matters ....it is how we love and are parents that means everything and you have to be one of the most amazing Mothers I have ever met....so never think about the way you got there...just think of what you mean to your children...and I say children because there will be another lucky one in the future....

Bless your heart!!! this piece is gorgeous and shows a lot of love....

indybev said...

What an important place you have reached in your life....that moment of self-acceptance. Good for you! This piece of art is meaningful and very well done!

Nicola said...

Oh Kristin your work is always so full of emotion and feeling I love it!! You sound like such a wonderful and loving mum you should never feel guilty about anything, there is much much more to being a mum than carrying a child. My baby is nearly 7 soon and I'm faced with so many new learning curves and situations as he gets bigger. Kendra is so lucky to have a loving caring mum like you! This is a gorgeous piece, as always!!! :0) xxx

Trudy Callan said...

This is such a meaningful piece. I think it is so healing and freeing for you to express yourself in this way through your art. You are such a wonderful mother. It is so obvious in all that you do. You will have more children, most definitely.

Hermine said...

Gorgeous, very special

peggy gatto said...

I hope visitors click to enlarge to see the beauty of this heartfelt piece!
Beautiful!

johanna said...

wonderful artwork - and thanks for sharing your thoughts with us!

Michelle said...

Okay, the story about glitter... Around here we call Glitter the herpes of the craft world. Because no matter what... seriously... it always comes back.

True?

Also I ADORE your art.

Diane said...

I love this Kristen--it's such a great feeling to accept yourself the way you are and to be happy, because it spreads around to everyone else in your life--great post!

Carin said...

Kristin, thank you for your honest and incredibly moving post and for sharing such a meaningful piece of art!

NANCY LEFKO said...

this art is beautiful on so many levels...and what a heartfelt post.

Happy Mother's Day to you.

Silvia said...

Fantastic idea, wonderful piece of art.

Bumbershoot Designs and Supplies said...

Hi Kristin, It's a moving piece from a place deep within you, which makes it a great piece of art. Having been in a similar situation to you, it's a great choice, to lay down a burden. Once you do, things begin to flow and the universe rises up to meet you. Best wishes, Sharon

Fabric Art said...

Kristin your canvas is amazing, and I loved to read your wonderful post.
Anni

dani said...

wow....moving piece of work, kristin. i love the positioning of elements over areas of your body. that's genius.
you know i read this post earlier but this subject is such a precious one that i had to step back, mull it over & choose my words carefully. here goes:
there are so many biological parents who don't deserve the right to have children. i am grateful there are people such as yourself who have such an outpouring of love to share. you are a gift.

Mandy said...

your piece is liberating..i am what i am...i feel liberated for myself to be honest...i just love this piece..seriously love it....being a mum isn't about having the child grow inside you...nice if you can but not everyone can...being a mum is just that! being a mum... and girl...you are a mum!!!not very tactful thing for your friend to say btw...don't feel guilty girl!!!you couldn't get pregnant so you could get Kendra...it was meant to be!!!!

carolyn said...

Postively moving, Kristin. It is so touching. thank you for sharing the piece and your story.

joanna said...

Kristin, what a moving post! motherhood is not about pregnancy! You are such a loving and devoted mom to Kendra! I pray that you will share your love with many more babies!! thank you for sharing such an intimate side of you. truely touching.
xoxo

Amy said...

Your piece's are alwyas full of heart girl!! I always love coming by here to see what you make from your heart and here again is another wonderful piece..I can feel your soul.

I think either way..having your own or adopting..all tha matters is the LOVE!
Children just need to be loved by their mother's and you are doing that in so many ways...

You have the BIGGEST heart in the world and I adore you for that.

Yvonne said...

its very beautiful also looks so fragile

Diane said...

Kristin, I was expecting a meaningful piece from you this week - and now I'm sitting with a tear in my eye! I only have a small inkling of how you must feel. But when I look at that perfect little Kendra, and see the love she receives from you I know you are both blessed. I am glad you are letting go of some of the pain - you are making room for more love, perhaps for your second little miracle! Diane